I think the void is especially pronounced this year because something was missing from college football, something I can’t quite define. Maybe its because a number of schools and players shrugged off “serious” NCAA violations, or maybe its because a number of big name programs imploded, but its probably the fact that this season was stupefyingly dull. I think the everlasting stupidity of the media got me more riled up than any game, not that this surprised me. So since I enjoy getting angry, lets go over this past season and pray to God/Allah/Jebus/Anyone that next year is better.
Conference Realignment : The Big 10 has twelve teams now, and the Big 12 has ten teams, as if having an eleven team Big 10 wasn’t confusing enough. This had to be the craziest year for expansion/contraction ever, and it was all based on revenue. Nebraska really got everything started in the summer by jumping to the Big 10 and all hell broke lose. Once the Big 12 was down to eleven and looked vulnerable everyone reached out to grab the big prize; Texas. Well, more accurately the Texas TV revenue and all the cash attached to the program. The Pac-10 even invited Texas to join in an attempt to make an insane super conference, but instead supplied safe harbor to Colorado and Utah. So now we have the Pac-12, incorrectly named Big 10 and Big 12, and then things got even worse. The Mountain West lost Utah, so they took the opportunity to pillage the WAC and bring in Boise State, Hawaii, and Fresno State. Then BYU got it into their heads that they should be like Notre Dame and declared themselves independent, but wait, it gets better! In an attempt to one-up the Pac-10’s geographically confused attempt to absorb the Big 12 South the Big East took a look at its embarrassing eight team conference and decided to invite TCU. So ten is now twelve, twelve is now ten, and Forth Worth TX is in the east. Cash grabs are great, aren’t they?
>>> All this geographical ignorance/delusion makes me angry. That’s all I can say.
Big Programs Flop : This season was great for the little guys, not just because the media was in a hurry to crown them champions. I can’t remember so many big programs falling flat on their faces in one season, especially when expectations were high. The biggest culprit was Texas who failed to win six games, much to my delight, and found themselves without a bowl game. Everyone loved Texas after their loss to Alabama last year, and people were drawing up plans for the Garret Gilbert statue in Austin. Texas went 5-7, finished dead last in the Big 12 South, and found itself getting crushed in games it should have won. Florida played like crap on offense, finished 7-5 and lost Urban Meyer to a re-retirement. Michigan shot itself in the foot by thinking they were ready to dominate, fans and boosters did their best to undermine Rich Rodriguez once their defense started to implode, and a 7-5 season wrapped up with a 52-14 absolute ass kicking by Miss State in the Gator Bowl. Other notable failures include Georgia (6-6, bowl loss to UCF), and Penn State (7-5, bowl loss to Florida).
Coaching Carousel : Coaches had it rough this season as a number of them moved around, some with hilarious results. Rich Rodriguez was fired at Michigan, ending an uncomfortable union that featured Josh Groban, followed by in intense search that eventually found Brady Hoke. No, I didn’t know who he was until I Googled him either. Texas’ problem got worse when coach-in-waiting Will Muschamp got tired of waiting and took the Florida job. Guys coaching schools named Miami (Florida and Ohio, in a rare double) found themselves without a job as Miami sent Randy Shannon packing after a loss to USF, and Miami (OH)’s Mike Haywood was fired from his new job at Pitt before he even started after being arrest on a felony domestic violence charge. Guess who won’t be able to find a job anytime soon?
Sadly the touching lyrics of Josh couldn't reach Michigan's ADSweeping Violations Under The Rug : I’m still really confused about this, like really really confused. Ever since the Reggie Bush saga colleges all across the country have been on pins and needles; well, everyone but Auburn and Ohio State. They must know something that everyone else doesn’t, since they managed to flaunt NCAA rules and walk away with a mere finger wagging. Auburn’s QB, and Heisman winner, Cam Newton was mired in a pay-for-play scandal where his father solicited money to sign is son. This is an NCAA violation, a serious one, even though Cam “knew nothing” about what his father was doing. Auburn made the meaningless gesture of suspending Newton, who was rapidly reinstated by the NCAA, won the SEC title, won the Heisman in a landslide, then won the National Title. Ohio State followed suit with their own problems. A number of players, including QB Terrelle Pryor, received improper benefits and sold team awards. All of this came out before their Sugar Bowl showdown with Arkansas, and they should have been suspended. Ohio State acted quickly and suspended the players for five games... starting next year. The NCAA allowed this, and the suspended players “promised” not to enter the NFL draft early in order to play in the Sugar Bowl. How the NCAA allowed any of this is beyond me, much like conference realignment this was all clearly about money. I’m sure the NCAA didn’t want to enforce its rules if it would effect the BCS Bowls - that would require some integrity.
>> Nodding. But have you considered what would’ve happened to your (and my) sports world if Newton had actually been suspended for the whole season? Auburn would’ve certainly lost any number of those close games they played towards the end of the season (‘Bama, especially), TCU would’ve snuck into the title game, your head would’ve exploded in an apoplectic fit, and Oregon would’ve most likely trounced them as I nodded gleefully, saying with a self-satisfied and knowing smirk that “See, the system totally works!” Even though, of course, it continues to be a total farce.
The NCAA can't wait to get that back...Morons Vote TCU #1 : I think I may have breathed fire when I saw this the other day, but I really should have seen it coming. Auburn handily took most of the AP and USA Today votes, but a few idiots decided that TCU was #1 in the final season poll. The only thing keeping my head from exploding is that these few voters are probably upset with Auburn (see above) and said “Hell, I know Auburn went 14-0, beat #2 Oregon, and won the SEC, but I’m going to be controversial and vote for TCU!”
>> The irony of Oregon finishing lower than the year they got hosed out of the title game in ‘01 (#2 in the final poll - duh) doesn’t amuse me in the least, in fact it makes me want to swear off college football for the 13th consecutive season. OK, so, if the title game is a legitimate contest between the nation’s two best teams, and one of them loses by three points on a fluke running play and a botched interception call, suddenly they’re only the third best team in the nation? WTF?!!! I hate college football, and I hate that it sucks me in every. single. season.
Bowl Season Recap (Hindsight Is A Bitch)
Best - BCS Title Game. I don’t care that they both looked a little off in the first quarter, this game came down to the wire. I also don’t care that they didn’t finish 77-73 like everyone wanted, both teams played hard and Auburn deserved to win. They outplayed Oregon and their defense came up big time.
>> I will grudgingly admit that Auburn played well, but I won’t go so far as to say that they deserved to win. Sour grapes or astute analysis? You be the judge. But as far as the game goes, this was our take on it immediately after (I’m including it because I think Bert nailed it - you won’t see this kind of analysis on TV, folks):
AS: ~ Pounding my head into a wall repeatedly~
BA: It wasn't that bad, you guys just couldn't tackle.
AS: C'mon, it was a cruel game of inches. There was cliff harris' non-interception (which I still think was an interception), Tunei and TheMichael being stopped short of the goal after that trick punt play and amazing catch by Tunei... the safety where TheMichael almost got out of the end zone, but ended up putting the ball on the last inch of chalk... every little thing went against the Ducks.
BA: Yeah, because they were smaller and couldn't block. Auburn effectively controlled the tempo, and you guys just lost it.
AS: This conversation is over!
BA: Thomas made some really bad reads on the option.
AS: Yeah, no shit. Horrible reads, and some bad passes in the red zone.
BA: Its like he didn't want to run, so he always handed it off.
AS: And then when he should've handed it to TheMichael, he kept it. It was amazing.
BA: Well, on the safety, I'm very confused why you went into a single back set with Thomas under center... like you thought you could overpower Auburn.
AS: ~Punching myself in the throat repeatedly~
BA: That was by far the best BCS game though.
AS. Yeah, it was great. I felt like I was gonna throw up for three straight hours.
BA: You just boned that TD, why Kelly insisted on running inside I will never know.
AS: I can't decide if you're making me feel better or worse... hang on... yep, definitely worse.
Did you think Harris intercepted that throw?
BA: Wait, perhaps I was drinkign too much... when he caught it and rolled out of bounds?
AS: (Grasping at straws) Yeah! He had control!!! Or?
BA: Wait, I thought it was called a pick.
AS: No. He caught it, had control, and his forearm was down. Auburn scored on the next play, or one after that.
BA: Well you got hosed there.
AS: Thank you.
BA: (Sadistically rubbing salt in the wounds) Also, you guys weren't throwing down field. 3rd & 15, lets try a 5 yard WR screen. There were a number of play calls where you threw a 5 yard pass when you needed 15, and that was clearly the play call.
AS: ~Sighing~ There was a 3rd and 12, too, I think, where Thomas elected to keep it, and he had NOWHERE to go. It was bizarre. Despite all that, their defense played really well, and had it not been for the safety and the non-interception, it could've easily been 19-3 or something like that. Everything went horribly wrong.
BA: Sadly, I didn't gamble on it. I picked Auburn in a close one. Plus, you got boned because Auburn plays a similar offense. They probably practice against your style of offense all the time, so it wasn't new.
AS: (The final nail in the coffin) True that. Let’s just move on to making myself feel better by making fun of those redneck southerners, shall we? Jizzik was sporting some sweet sideburns, did you see? It was like Mattingly in the Simpson's ringers episode.
BA: Jizzik seems like a real good ole boy - probably fucked a pig after the game.
AS: Yes, see!!! This proves that Oregon was the better team. Did you see their QB coach's name?
Guz! "Gus iz too hahd fuh me tuh say, so ahm jist gonna call yew Guzzzz."
Since this was obviously the highpoint of our post-game analysis, we decided to stop there.
Worst - Orange Bowl : This was incredibly disappointing, but I should have seen it coming. The worst part of this game was listening to the announcers talk up VT’s QB Tyrod Taylor, who just flat out sucks. They went on and on about how versitle he is, and how dangerous his legs are, but that doesn’t seem to matter if you can’t convert a third down. VT got their ass kicked, and stanfurd’s QB Andrew Luck came out looking like the next Peyton Manning; so much for that vaunted Hokie defense.
Clock Management Award - Bret Bielema / Rose Bowl : This could have beat the title game, but Bielema boned this game and gave idiots an opening to complain for another year. TCU played well, and deserved to win, but Wisconsin pissed away a chance to get into the endzone before the half. With two timeouts the Badgers took their sweet time on the final drive of the half, but were caught off guard by the fact that you can’t score after the clock hits 0:00. Wisconsin had no choice but to kick a FG when they should have been trying for 6 - way to go Bret.
Winners
The SEC West : Four ten-win teams, five ranked teams, and the National Title.
Non-AQ Media Darlings
Committing Infractions
Jim Harbaugh : Turned stanfurd’s 12-1 season into the 49ers head coaching job.
Losers
The SEC East : No ten win teams, 1-for-5 in bowl games, only two teams finished above .500.
Boise State : Lose their chance to complain about being snubbed by losing to Nevada, leave the WAC for the MWC which promptly implodes to leave them where they started.
Boise State leaves the WAC for the MWC.The Big East
NCAA’s Authority
Programs Stuck In The Past : Michigan, Miami, and ND have a long way to go. They act like they are elite programs, but they haven’t been for a while. It won’t happen overnight.
Jake Locker : Draft stock may be confused with Enron’s.
Andrew and his stupid Ducks.
