Monday, February 8, 2010

Arsenal and The Almunia Face

To the random readers of the Sports Optimator who have stumbled across this blog as they search for sports optimating, or just didn't know which sports went best with their dark, high gravity beer made by Spaten (answer: European Football, as long as it doesn't involve a certain London team): Arsenal and The Almunia Face is not some obscure children's story or fairy tale.  In fact, it's not much of a story at all, just a cautionary tale of what happens to good teams when their keeper is complete shite, and their otherwise more-than competent manager is blind to this fact.  And if it were a children's story, it would give them all nightmares, like this one:


What a horror show.  Note how Almunia has his eyes closed and is falling down and away from the ball.  I'm pretty sure they don't teach this technique in goalkeeping school.  I know, I know, Song should've marked Drogba better, but I'm pretty sure this shot was stoppable.  It was well-struck, and not everybody could've stopped it, but I'm going out on a limb here and saying that falling on your ass while the ball flies over your head is probably not the best way to go about it.  

It's not quite as bad as this: 


...but it does strike me as something a second-division keeper would do.  

Which is exactly what he is!  Not that long ago, a young-ish Almunia was toiling and not exactly distinguishing himself in the Spanish second division, but somehow attracted the attention of Arsenal manager Wenger, who is well-known (and deservedly so) for bringing in young undiscovered (read: inexpensive) talents and nurturing them into a succession of stars that are often sold for millions of £ (Anelka, Adebayor, et al).  What he is not known for, unfortunately for those of us that were wearing Arshavin jerseys yesterday, is having an eye for spotting good keepers.  David Seaman (~snicker~) was already in place when Wenger came on board for his early run of success, and while he did bring Jens Lehmann on for their Invincibles run, Lehmann is also a complete nutter:


As I was saying, Lehmann, while he was an exceptional keeper on his long-since-past good days, was and still is also half-crazy, which probably led to Wenger bringing in an unknown Spaniard with a propensity for bleaching his hair and dressing like a complete twat.  

 To give this strange man some credit, he soes seem to have a knack for stopping penalties, as he showed against Roma during the CL last year (and he very nearly stopped a Bolton penalty what now seems like a season ago, but was only two weeks ago, in the 4-2 win that put them top).  

But really, he is just not very good.  This claim is backed up by the stat that has him ranked 19th in the Premier League (there are only 20 teams, folks) in saves-to-shots-on-goal ratio (stats courtesy of this excellent Guardian article that was scarily accurate in its prescience).  Why is a bigger deal not being made about this?  Why is Arsenal the only one of the big four without a big name keeper?  And why does Wenger insist on trotting him out there every game, when the general consensus was that Mannone, while raw, was spectacular against Fulham, and almost singlehandedly won that game for them?  When was the last time you ever saw the word 'spectacular' in the same sentence as Almunia's?  I suppose you could write that "Almunia made a spectacular mess of things in front of goal today."  

Anyway, calling Almunia terrible is being kind, and I'm fairly confident Arsenal won't win anything while he's their #1.  I eagerly await the day that Mannone, Fabianski, or Wojciech Szesdwnwry takes his place.  Judging by that wiki entry on Szesnsdwxvy, he sounds like more proof of Wenger's ability to find talent in obscure places, which is what makes his stubborn refusal to acknowledge Almunia's lack of it so maddening.  Until he does, we can only expect to see a lot more of the Almunia Face.  



This is not, in fact, the Almunia Face.  It's just him falling on his arse again as the ball travels RIGHT WHERE HE WAS JUST STANDING.  But, judging by my search of Google's archives, no one has seen fit to document it, so I thought I would post this instead (I cannot be held financially responsible for Arsenal supporters chucking their computers across the room).  Still, you know it well.  A weak goal is scored and Almunia's lower jaw begins to jut out unflatteringly as he stares off into some unknown distance.  I am doing the same, staring off bitterly into the '10-'11 season, hoping Wenger will come to his senses.  

'09-'10 Season, R.I.P.