FOX News Optimator : Federer Has Little Time Left To Be Hated

The tail end of 2009 has been interesting to say the least. Tiger Woods has managed to destroy his public image and send at least one sponsor (Accenture) running for the hills, and the sad thing is it could get worse if his name gets dropped in an investigation. I'm really hoping Tiger doesn't knock off Barry Bonds as the asterisk athlete of the century, but I'm sure Barry wouldn't mind having someone take his place.

I was watching late night TV and the 11 o'clock news opened with a story about Tiger, and being completely sick and tired of having him shoved in my face I was about to change the channel, and they showed a brief clip of an older Gillette ad. The ad featured Tiger Woods, Theirry Henry (later replaced by Derek Jeter), and Roger Federer... and that is when it hit me. Federer doesn't have much time left in 2009 to be hated!

You need more than a razor to lose the 'stache Theirry

First Henry donned the moustache and turned all of Ireland, and FIFA disciplinary board, against him. Not to be outdone, Tiger Woods' private life has exploded all over the tabloids to topple reigning gossip royalty Jon & Kate Goslin, and turn basically everyone against him. The fact Woods completely mishandled the fallout just made it worse, its almost as though he drew the moustache on himself. This leaves Federer in a tough position, how does he top them? Is this an inside bet between the three? Is it a Gillette conspiracy to drive razor sales?

I've been thinking about what he could do to top Tiger, and its nearly impossible with a little over two weeks left. My first idea was to hit a prominent political figure in the face with a statue, but someone beat him to it.* The bar is so high, even if it came out that he was juicing for every one of his titles I don't think it would get as much press as Woods' ill fated trip down his driveway. My next thought would be his admission that his family was rich with Nazi gold, but that would be too obvious... or so the Germans would have us believe. I think the solution is that Roger sneak into a White House event, take his picture with famous politicians, make a mockery of the Secret Service, and punch Obama in the face for stealing our freedom by trying to provide health care options. That should do it.

*If you are wondering what Silvio is doing in a Sports Optimator article, he headed AC Milan for over 18 years. Plus, he could probably tell Tiger a few things about sex scandals and being an upstanding citizen.